Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Umbrella... or no umbrella?

April 2011

Does Mr EPC have one?  I know, 3 posts on one man is excessive, but I need to finish the story, and it was a bit drawn out due to his general hopelessness at getting in touch.

Anyone who has read this far will realise that any policy I may once have had of always waiting for "the man" to make the first move has been abandoned. I have realised it doesn't work once you're past 45 cos any man who is willing to shag you is probably going off sex a bit himself and can't be bothered to work up the effort to make an idiot of himself asking you out.  Either that, or I'm too scary.

Anyway, it is a hot April day and I'm working at home and I'm bored.  Decide to text Mr EPC and say hello.  Get an instant reply saying he is round the corner and should he pop round.  "Yes!" I say and quickly change into something skimpy.  My lady garden is bare.

Quicker than I can say "is that an umbrella down there or are you just pleased to see me", he is at my door, all charm and suave.  He sweeps in and proceeds to stride around my office poking fun at my books and neatly labelled files.  I don't mind - he is very funny with it.  We spend the next couple of hours sitting in my garden (no, the real garden, not a euphemism..yet) drinking vodka martinis.  Pretty soon we are snogging and pretty soon after that I am dragging him up the stairs to my bedroom. Well, I didn't have to drag this one actually, he seemed quite keen.  I was pretty sure it wasn't an umbrella down his trousers as well, cos the weather was very hot and sunny - but still, one has to check.  And sure enough, it wasn't an umbrella, but it certainly came in handy when things got wet my side of the bed.

All very nice, no orgasm for me, unfortunately, but not due to any lack of effort on his part.  Just sometimes, it doesn't happen.  He went off quite happy and I looked forward to hearing from him soon.

I'm still waiting - some people don't even have the manners to say thank you for an afternoon of vodka martinis and sex.  Bloody single men!

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